It’s February. Many call it “The Month of Love.” All because of a special day found right in the middle of the month – Valentine’s Day. Let me first say that if you haven’t yet made plans to romance your spouse during this special day, you better get to planning!
The unfortunate thing about Valentine’s Day is that when it ends, many times our romantic excitement ends along with it. Couples go back to their boring routines and unknowingly bring useless stress to their marriage relationship.
Now I believe that the Author of marriage (God) has given us an effective plan for our relationship. As we read the Bible, He outlines for us roles and responsibilities that can fulfill the joy we long for in our marriage. And with that said, I believe that the husband must initiate the improvement in each marriage if it is to truly succeed. That’s not to say that wives need to sit idly by and wait for the man to make a move. But according to God’s plan, the husband is a picture of Christ and should provide a sacrificial, satisfying, and sanctifying love for his bride. Jesus came to “seek and to save.” We didn’t find Him, He found us! Likewise, a husband should be looking for ways to keep the romance in His home and daily enhance their marriage.
So how does that happen? It’s quite simple. Again, drawing the parallel from Christ and His relationship with the church, He saw our needs and continually meets them. So husband (by now you should have figured out, this article is more for you than your wife), meet you wife’s romantic needs and you’ll be sure to keep Valentine’s Day going after February 14th! Here’s how:
Your wife craves a spiritual leader- be one! You are designed by God to lead your home. You don’t just make financial decisions, or choose when the kids go to bed, or select the next vacation destination, God has called you to make some spiritual choices! Know your Bible and live it out before your spouse. Give her opportunities to grow and grow alongside her.
Your wife craves security so keep her safe! She’s seen enough chick-flicks to know that relationships can go sour and end miserably. She also know that we live in a messed up world. She needs your protection, man! Do things to assure her that you will always be there when she needs you. And that starts with the little things like watching the kids a few hours each week so she can peacefully recover, dating her regularly, constantly telling her that she looks good, letting her know where you are and what time you’ll be home. Your wife shouldn’t have to wonder if you love her or if you’ll be there for her.
Your wife craves deeper conversations- so open your mouth and talk! It amazes me that men can be so stubborn about this one area. The typical couple spends only four minutes of meaningful conversation each day. Your mono-syllabic responses makes your wife feel unimportant. Think about it, on any given day, a husband will have more meaningful talks at the office than he would at home. Something’s wrong!
Bring your conversation from the typical, “How’s your day? Good,” to “My day was good. I felt…” Make an emotional connection rather than just giving the standard answers. Then after you answer her questions, you ask intelligent questions. “What’s for dinner” doesn’t count as an intelligent question.
One more tip regarding deeper conversations: your wife will feel and want to be more physical intimacy of you provide her with some emotional intimacy first. So you want more in the bedroom, start talking!
Your wife craves contact and affirmation- so hold her and praise her. At the beginning of our marriage (and for some even before), we couldn’t stop hugging, kissing, and telling our wives how much we love her. Then as the years go on and the kids come into the picture, physical contact and constant praise dissipate. How do you know you’ve reached this point? Go ahead and kiss your wife and tell her you are so glad she chose you. If she answers with “thank you, what was that for?” you’re there! It’s okay to give your wife a smooch while she washes the dishes. It’s okay to hug her in front of the children. Go ahead and hold her hand in public or as you walk in the park. Contact shouldn’t just be reserved for the bedroom prior to intimacy.
Plus you should constantly be grateful to her for all that she is and all that she does for you. It’s not a bad idea to have public displays of affection and praise her either. That’ll keep those who want your attention at bay.
Your wife craves the chase- so continue to court her. Start trying to impress your wife again. Don’t have the attitude of, “I already have you so I don’t have to do anything else for you.” That’s unbiblical! It’s sad when we treat each other better during the dating/courting phase than we do in marriage.
I encourage you to do some things you use to do in the early years of your relationship. Have more date nights. Have focused alone times. Dennis Rainey said, “Focused attention is life precious gold in a relationship.”
The other day my wife mentioned just in passing (though I believe it was more calculated than that) that she missed getting notes from me. I even used to write her poems and songs. I got the message!
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to end on Saturday. It can keep going but men, we must take the lead. In closing I will say that when our wives feel romanced by us, the reciprocation will be well worthy it. Trust me. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt!
P.S. One way to keep Valentine’s Day going is to be a part of our Couples’ Conference. You can register at mydgbc.org to reserve your spot. Childcare is provided so sign up today!